continuum

its been a month and 6 days since i last blogged

life is shitty shit shit

i miss him so much everyday without a doubt

i thought i had alot of people there for me, and i do but some people really surprise me, not in a good way. and its sad that i have to say that

i can't get through a day without crying and im just waiting to get out of this circle

i feel lonely and unwanted even though i know in my mind i'm neither of those things

this sadness just seems everlasting

however john mayer is helping me

i'll tell you when things brighten up a bit

oh HAI

well blogger it's been 4 days

i could sit here and describe all my emotions and feeelings but to be quite honest i don't want to bore you with my cheesey loveydovey merrrrde

but i've had quite a good few days in your absence (nothing personal)

had a nice meal for gemmas birthday and even though ive started recently finding meals quite tedious, i enjoyed it mucho, then we went on to fashion show where we all sat and ogled naked boys, and depressed and naked girls (but we dun care about the girls)

last night was fun, and so so so lovely to be reunited for the first time in a long time with the original 8, and and sad as it seems i don't think it will be just us 8 again for even longer.

however the nights proceedings were very enjoyable. i befriended my boyfriend's best friend, got very very drunk and hankypanky'd in the bath

however today im feeling minggg and have eaten my body weight in crap, but the boyf is due to arrive anytime soon so all is not bad

YAY FOR LIFE

Day 02 - Reason why you started the blog

hmmmmmmmm
i started it over a year ago, when a few of my friends started venting and i became jealous!
it seemed like a gud way to word ma feeelinz. as gay as that may be!
i did it on and off for about 8 months, then stopped completely this summer.
now the cold months have returned, blogger again has become my source of heat and rant, and quite frankly ive realised why i used to do it so often.
so now you know my blogging history, i'll let you get on with your own boring lives instead of feeding off mine. fiends.
xxxxxxxxxxxx

oh dear

somethinng really embarrassing happened today.
a couple of nights ago in an act of lust and gayness, i set my desktop background as a picture of my and my boyfriend. knowing that he was coming round today, i made plans to change it before he set his eyes upon my cheesiness.
to sum it up, i completely forgot about it until there was something he wanted to show me on youtube. + to make it even worse i rugby tackled him to the floor in attempts to distract him from the holy picture.
i did not hear the end of how "embarrassing" i am all night.

he doesn't appreciate my love...
BUT apart from that i had a lovely lovely love filled night, and im thriving off that feeling which i can't stop smiling.
i think we can safely say he makes me a very happy blogger

goodnight my gorgeous followers xxx

LETS GO!

heck yeah tumblr challenges!

meant for tumblr but who gives a fuck?

Day 01 - Photo of you along with ten facts

this is me, so now i bore you with 10 facts!

#1 -i have 2 older sisters. they're both fat.

#2 - WGC is my hometown. it's shit.

#3 - there is nothing i enjoy more than a good summer holiday

#4 - SORRY, last ones a massive lie, skiing is my fave thing in the whole wide world + i wish i could live on a mountain

#5 - two-faced people is my worst thing ever, but everyone is guilty of it really

#6 - i cry too much

#7 - boys who can sing melt my heart

#8 - ^^ my boyfriend can't sing but he still manages it

#9 - i sing in 5 different choirs

#10 - i found this far too hard, my life is very boring as you can see

oh hiya

long time no see
realised that blogger is a very easy way to vent even if no one is listening, i can just pretend

things that are happening actually really scare me, the prospect of if i don't work now, i'll fail my alevels, have to drop out and go to college. as tempting as that sounds, my whole life is in the hands of what i do now, to work or not to work - that is the question.
everything is mental i don't even know what is going on really. aalll i know is that there is a handful of real friends i have in my life right now, and if im being completely honest, bridgefoot is getting me through!

lotsa new tings are happening with me but i didnt realise there would be this many drawbacks one week in? howeverrr i get a feeling i'm in for the long haul so prepare yourself, fellow bloggers for beaucoup de feelings from this blog machine!

byesies

round and round

nothing is happening
but then, if you look into it alot of things are happening, but it's all the same stuff over and over again i'm so bored of this!
literally stuck in this cycle. but really it's not that bad, i don't care much?
i've realised who i can pour my heart out to, and the people that i can tell everything to oh my god i've just realised how much i love you all
i took you for granted but you are all fucking amazing i couldn't be happier to be honest i'm sorry for being so rubbish in the past, even though i know none of you are going to read this.


exams are looming. i need to start revision but i just keep on putting it off more and more
i'll regret it in 5 months.

i haven't blogged in ages, there's nothing to say.
but i have also realised that i should only trust really few people and i need to stop getting myself into these stupid situations and trusting people that really really shouldn't be trusted
i'm too naive hahaha

i just dont understand

howww do you do this to me?! ohmygod. literally, one small thing that you do and my mood switches from happy to vexxxxx
and the thing is, i have the PERFECT opportunity to move on from you now, but now all i seem to be doing is comparing you. and nottthing seems to be as good.
but its not even good! it's shit
you're shit
gerjgkehk v4hwvbf9iu4wp

sooo angry at myself more than i'm annoyed at you
and the thing is, i KNOW that you're lying to me, i can so tell
so why can't i let go?!
sooo annoying


and also, don't you hate it when your "friends" stand you up @ the last minute.
WE'VE HAD THESE PLANS FOR LIKE OVER A WEEK. and now you're too busy too see me, after you've been telling me how important i am to you right now
i'm NOTHING but a good friend to you so why the fuck are you being such a bitchhh, this is like the 3rd time you've done this to me! and when i do it to you you won't talk to me for weeks.
so pathetic.


ohmygod i'm so angry
thankyou for letting me vent
goodbye.

right

so
this weekend i've realised stuff
stuffstuffstuff
good stuff and bad stuff but still just stuff
i'm moving on, and i know it for reeeal this time

go me
i suppose
and tbh, i've realised how much i really really hate you. alot.
because you are
a
fucking
ugly
cunt
the end.

the amount of times i've heard in the last few months that i "could do so much better", and "what am i doing wasting my time with him" etcetc, and it's only just sunk in that i actually could do better? it didn't really occur to me before.
but at the same time i'm still sitting here like, "well if i could do better where the fuck is mr better?"

i'm sure he'll turn up soon
fingers crossed eh?

niceee

i've realised how much i hate alot of people that i thought i was friends with
and the people i thought i didnt get on with turn out to be some of my best friends?
weeeird

anyway, alot of you REALLY annoy me and its really mean to say it but just allow you aha i just cba with people who are gonna pretend to be my friend, but underneath it all are you really my friends? naaaaaaaaaa

this weekend has been weird. i can't tell if it was good or not :\
oh well, onwards and upwards i suppose, i'm so busy this month with parties and concerts so hopefully march will go really quickly,
and then april! ALLOW
dreading itttt alot more than i should be. 2 weeks ago i would've been BUZZING for april, but now im not too sure. baaah
also, anyone else find it really weird that it's pretty much already march? 2010 is going waay to quickly :\

mmmm laters haters

its been a while

shocker! over 2 weeks
alot has happened, some bad some good.
i've had the sickest week skiing and i really didn't want to come home, and now i know why.
england is shit.
and this weather what the fuck?! it just makes no sense.
is it snow? is it rain? AND IT MAKES HAVING A FAG SO MUCH HARDER
ughhhhh

anyway, i moved on from you then i moved straight back in again, and now it's as if nothing has ever changed from 3 weeks ago. how annoying.
i'm in the right frame of mind i just can't seem to do what needs to be done
everytime i try you pull me back again
CHEEKY

ah well, i need to go and check on my lasagne
nommm

jumpyjumpy

my jumper came in the post yeeeeeeeah
i hate ordering things online it makes me so nervous for the days coming up to the arrival of the package! i'm such a loser but oh well
the jumpers alright, a big on the big side but oh well still nice
and jumpers are ALLOWED to be a bit baggaaay
yay!

anyway, ive decided i'm erasing you from my life
and im feeling POSITIVE about it this time
woooo?

ah dear
laters!

contemplation

why have i let things get like this?
this whole situation is just verging on ridiculous, and nobody actually understands meee
if i tell someone about it and us, they either just laugh in my face or tell me to man up
i'm such a fucking dick and it PISSES ME OFF
i honestly need to man up, and the worst thing is, whever i think of you together i get the biggest wave of jealousy and nostalgia and regret it makes me angry at myself
and i feel so stupid
and its all because of you, and i dont even understand
and just allow it


also, my haircut sucks

bugs and stuff

i'm rekindling my love for the beatles
only just realised how sick the first few albums are and nobody knows any of the songs on them

i wish i was a beatle
but im glad im not a beetle
BYE

hangovers

as dread as they are i really quite love waking up knowing that last night was sick, just by the fact that i still can't see straight and i feel like barfing every 10 seconds

oh love my life ahahahaha

feeeeeeelings

i realise now that i have too many
whenever i looook at you i just want to shout at you and tell you everything that's like bubbling up inside of me
oh gaaaaaaad

and everyone thought i was a heartless bitch...

chilly willy

it's so cold

i want summer back, and no more snow please
i miss sitting on the green in town all daay in the sun and then the lakes at night without it being ridonkulously cold
i miss cricket and i miss sunbathing at lunchtimes
i miss not having to wear coat, hat, scarf and gloves every single minute of the day
i miss going to sleep with just one duvet and my legs hanging out of the bed
i miss summer and the sun

this isn't faair, this stupid lack of heat is just making everything so much worse
im so sick of everything being worse, i want things bettterr, how they used to be
but no, no no. obviously that can't/won't happen
i just cannot wait until this summer, it's the only thing pulling me throough

i've got all my mock results back and i got mostly Bs with a couple of As and 2 Cs
this isn't cool, and it's suddenly dawned on me; the ridiculous amount of work im gonna have to do if i want to live up to everyone's expectations of me and these fucking GCSEs
so much stress, and if i'm being honest at the moment i have fuck all motivations to do anything about it

oh welll, i'm sure it will be fine
i just need some sun
or a holiday

PINCH PUNCH FIRST OF THE MONTH

new month new start
well i can try atleast...

why is it that if someone sometimes makes you happy, it doesn't matter how angry/sad they make you, those moments of happiness mean everything and all the rest is forgotten? and suddenly all i'm living for are these rare moments of light.


i am such a bell

HAPPY

i'm happy happy happy
and i don't need you to fuck it up
even though i know you will

i'm such a dick but oh well
i'm going to learn a big old lesson from this, which i can't quite understand right now
I'M GOING THROUGH THIS THE HARD WAY, but having a bit of fun on the way


hmm, anyway
this weekend was one of the best weekends in a long, long time
i have absolutely loved it i haven't felt so freeeeeeeeeee in ages
and i've reconnected with people
and i've met new people
and i've been with everyone that i love

IM HAPPY
so please please don't ruin it


laters!

ANOTHER BLOG

i'm really going crazy with the amount of blogging lately... baha
anyway this weekend was ALOT of funnn, i haven't been out in about a billion years and we skanked haaaaardcore!
after probably one of the worst ever days at school on friday me and nathan decided to go out for a laavely meal @ pizza hut
ofc, we decided not to go on the way there and went out and got fucked instead
that's how we dooooo
trekkage to the lakes just to get fucked and light a fire i saw some people i havent seen in SO long and it was really lovely and i made some new friends aswellll
suprise suprise, we ended up at mcdonalds. i dont think ive ever been out without ending up there looove it
saturday was good + bad? but allow the bad things, felix's was so joookes and that's all i'maa blog about because you dont want to know the boring bad bits
but yeah felix's was a lot of fun and it was so nice to be around all the people whooo i havent seen in ages
the thing i love is the fact that we can do the gayest things together butttt secretly we're the coolest group of people ever ;)
sunday was sunday and monday was monday
i dont think i need to say anymore?
THANKYOU FOR A GOOD WEEKEND!

adioshhh

long time no see

pretty much 5 months since i've last blogged soooo i thought i'd post a quicky
this weekend i went to somerset with my family waheeeey. TBH it wasn't as bad as i thought it was gonna be, we stayed in the mahuusive house with my aunty + uncle + baby, uncle + boyf, grandparents and my grandparents friends, cos it was my grandad's 80th
on friday night we did ate lasagne and watched telly and then went to bed
on satruday we did nothing all day, then we had like this big old catered meal in the evening for my grandpaaa it was well yummy i had beef wellington nommmmmm and paté (sp?) to start. then we played charades and like a trivia game. I WON BOTH.
then my grandad did the jooookesest speech ever :') if you knew him it would be even funnier cos he's pretty much always drunk. he told us about how he was happy to make it to 80, then started rambling about how everytime he stood up he let rip, and then started dribbling and blamed it on thinking about my grandma in bed
LITERALLY DIED FROM LAUGHHTER what a leeeeeeeeg
then i was forced to play piano, then i went to bed
so yeah then today we woke up and got dressed watched telly then went home


and nooow, i'm trying to use my jack wills voucher online and FAILING epically so i'm going to do it tomraa
im so tired and cold and i should really be revising for chemistry but oh well

LATERS SKATERS